The Deck of Cards

Richard Middleton, a soldier, attending service at a church in Glasgow with the rest of his regiment, instead of pulling out a Bible  to find the parson’s text, spread a pack of cards before him. This odd behavior did not pass unnoticed for long, both by the clergyman and his sergeant. The sergeant ordered him to put away the cards. When he refused, the sergeant marched him before the Major, with whom he registered a formal complaint about Richard’s indecent behavior during church.
“Well, soldier”, said the Major, “What excuse do you have for your strange and scandalous behavior? If you can give me a reason for it, there is no problem. However, if you cannot, you will be severely punished.”
“Since are so good, sir”, replied Richard, “I will inform you I have been eight days on the march, with a bare allowance of sixpence per day, which you will surely admit is hardly sufficient to maintain a man in food, drink, washing and other necessities he may want, sir. So, I have no Bible, prayer book, nor any other good book”. On saying this, Richard drew out his pack of cards, and presenting one of the Aces to the Major, continued his address to the officer as follows:
“When I see an Ace, may it please you sir, it reminds me there is but one God. And, when I look upon a Two or a Three, the former brings to mind the Father and Son and the latter of the Holy Ghost to make The Trinity. A Four, reminds me of the four evangelists, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. A Five: the five wise Virgins, who were ordered to trim their lamps. Yes, there were ten, but five, you may remember, sir, were wise and five were foolish. A Six: in six days God created Heaven and Earth and Seven, on the seventh day he rested. An Eight: of the eight righteous persons saved from the flood: Noah, his wife, and his three sons and their wives. A Nine: of the nine lepers, cleansed by our Savior. There were ten, but only on returned to offer thanks. And a Ten: of the Ten Commandments that God gave Moses on Mount Sinai on the two tablets of stone”.
Richard took the Knave and put it aside, continuing, “When I see the Queen, it reminds me of the Queen of Sheba. She came from a far part of the world to hear the wisdom of King Slomon. As a test for them to be married, she brought 50 boys and 50 girls, all clothed in girls apparel, before Solomon. He was to tell which were boys and which were girls. But he could not, until he called for water to wash themselves. The girls washed up to their elbows, and the boys only up to their wrists. And when I see the King, it represents both the great King of Heaven and Earth, God Almighty and his majesty King George, that I should pray for him”.
“You have given a good description of all the cards, except one, which is missing”, said the Major. “Which is that, sir?” asked the soldier. “The Knave”, said the Major. “If your Honor will not be angry with me”, replied Richard, “I can give you the same satisfaction on that as any in the pack”. The Major said, “No, continue”.
“Well”, said the soldier,  “the greatest Knave I know is the sergeant who brought me before you”. “I don’t know”, replied the major, “whether he is the greatest knave or not, but I am sure he is the greatest fool”!
The soldier continued, telling the Major abut the many ways he used the cards as a calendar: four suits for four seasons; 52 cards for 52 weeks in the years; 13 cards in a suit for 13 lunar months in a year; 12 court cards in each suit for 12 calendar months in a year; a deck is red and black as each day is light an dark; adding the pips on the cards and counting the knave as eleven, the queen as twelve, and the king as thirteen, there are 364 and one for the joker makes 365 days in a year. The soldier concluded by saying, “So, this pack of cards is a Bible, an almanac, and a prayer book to me”.